So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize