the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
