dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
