**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
