Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
