STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
