I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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