I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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