I think I died a long time ago.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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