Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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