So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
