We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
