can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
