I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I licked your asshole in confidence.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
