Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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