Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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