found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
