im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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