Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
