this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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