ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
