Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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