some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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