that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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