He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
