I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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