I just gift wrapped bread.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
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Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
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I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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