i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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