Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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