Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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