Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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