Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
