I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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