and you said cock pushups were impossible
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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