FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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