White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We talked him into tasing himself.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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