Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
