I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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