Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
