I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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