Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
