@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize