My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
