So drunk its hurt
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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