Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
