Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
