i permit you to call me
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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