he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You're like the curious george of whores
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
