I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Please, let me fuck your mom
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
