I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
please come you make the beer taste better
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
