Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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