Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
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His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
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Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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