i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
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