Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
