babies were throwing up all over the place
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
