sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
