i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
