i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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