I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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