I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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