he puts the penis in happiness.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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