She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
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He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
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Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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