so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
