on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
