we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize