three words: i give head
three words: not that well
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
