things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
