apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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