I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
