She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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