Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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