and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
