she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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