I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
