Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
