I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My breasts were aching with rage.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
