Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You dont lie about slip and slides
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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