The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
