There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize